Rejection Sucks

About two weeks ago I had a second phone interview with X Private College they never called be back.

First, the interview was scheduled to take 30-45 minutes, but I only took 18-20. Second, I was insanely nervous. I could hear the shaking in my voice and though we were on speaker phone I am sure they could too. I had notes with me, but didn't really use them. I feel that I lacked examples to back up my answers. Not that I don't have them, just that I forgot to talk about them. My current boss says that me asking about their time table to call references was a bad move too...although all my references had been asking me when they were going to be called, and since the interviewers never gave me an indication I thought it was a fair question. My boss says no.

When I hadn't heard from them a colleague convinced me to call and ask about my status. Frankly, I already knew what my status was. There is no way that my phone was on the first during that crucial 2 minute period that they would have been calling to let me know that they wanted an in person interview, there was no way that they had been pushed so far off schedule as to have let a whole week go past the date they gave me, a nd there was no way that I had just fallen through the cracks. They just didn't want to see me. But in order to get the absolute final word on that, I called. She shuffled through papers, probably trying to find my resume, or her notes from the interview and then confirmed that yes, they were in the process of the in person interviews and a lack of a call, letter, or email meant that I had not been selected. Why she made me wait on the phone to tell me that, why she needed a piece of paper to let her know that I don't know.

And then I asked the dreaded question "Do you mind me asking, what was it that took me out of the running?" Wow. One simple question that is really saying..."so why didn't you like me?" or "what exactly is wrong with me that you don't want to hire/interview me?" "Just what were you looking for that I lack?" It's a flash back to every break up I've ever been through: the old "what's wrong with me? why don't you want me?" trap. Only this isn't my fragile emotions on the line, it's my livelihood. A job. A career opportunity. A chance at benefits with health insurance. Full time work and the opportunity to get my own freaking apartment for once in my life! *sigh*

According to this particular administrator at X Private College Library they even had trouble choosing people for the second round of phone interviews, but for the in person they had to choose who they felt were the "most qualified," Great. So apparently I am not qualified for an entry level position at an academic library and it is quite possible that I would not have even made it to the second round of telephone interviews except for the whole "difficult choice" bit. Wow. What a low blow.

So now I am back to square one with searching job postings, cover letter writing, and resume revising.